I need an adult
AUGUST 2 - 30, 2024 | SNAP SPACE GALLERY
CHRISTINE RIUTZEL
Christine has lived in Ozarks for 20 years. She dabbled in arts when she was a child but didn’t get serious about art until her homeschool high school art teacher opened her mind to the possibilities. Christine’s teen years were traumatic. Surviving day to day, it was difficult to create. Christine grew up in an extremist, legalistic community that led to being a member of a Calvinist church turned cult. Once she left she started creating at the age of 25. Unsure about the immense investment in art school she dove into cheap online courses. Since 2016 she has had several fine art exhibitions and established a full-time career in the arts, with murals being her main source of work. She serves on the board of Directors for The Southern Missouri Arts Connection as Vice President and serves on the board for Parks and Recreation in Hollister. Her goal is to continue to use public art as a way to inspire and mentor the young underprivileged artists in an area where the visual arts are easily overlooked.
Artist statement
When I was a child, never did I think I could be an artist. As a woman raised in an alternative community (think Duggars: 19 Kids and Counting) we never discussed my future outside of being a wife and mother. I used to stare at works of Warhol, Rothko, Johns, Basquiat in the encyclopedias, knowing I could never achieve making works like the greats without the disapproval of the patriarchy. As this was not “good” art. Even in my daydreams I felt trapped, yearning for some kind of empowerment.
In 2021 I hit a roadblock: a “spiritual crisis.” I had proven to myself that I could make a living doing art but there had to be something more. Resisting to create meaning in my work out of fear of judgment and rejection from my community. It had never occurred to me that I could use my art as therapy. It changed the way I think about art but also my mental health.
How do I learn how to spiritually feed myself now that the Evangelical Fundamentalist church has failed me? How do I navigate life when my religious parent would rather disown me than love me regardless of my beliefs? If God is supposed to love us unconditionally why has that not been my experience? Am I ever going to fill the void my father left?
Some of these works illustrate dreams and moments I often had during my time of conflict between myself and my legalistic abusive father. My brain would disassociate, creating floating spaces, colorful and liminal. Using imagery of nostalgia and Biblical symbolism to express experiences of spiritual abuse and my journey of healing from my religious trauma and finding identity.
Christine Riutzel
I’ve been a painter for five years, and mural work came to me unexpectedly, empowering me in ways I hadn't anticipated. Supporting myself independently, without relying on a man to survive, was something I never thought possible, especially given that I wasn’t raised in an environment that nurtured individual creativity or financial independence. The idea of pursuing a career wasn’t encouraged in my youth, so I often felt embarrassed when asked about my passions or college plans, knowing my future was out of my control.
For the past two years, I’ve been focusing on personal work, which led me to confront a “spiritual block.” My art explores themes of suffering and healing from the trauma of being raised by a legalistic father to later being heavily influenced by a cult from ages 14 to 18. This journey has been about grappling with abuse and its long-term effects on the body and psyche. A decade after my father disowned me, I’ve undergone various therapies. While the logical part of my brain has healed in many ways, symptoms of PTSD have intensified. Losing someone who was supposed to protect me turned into a profound enemy. I experienced grief in ways not often discussed. Raised by a narcissist, my greatest fear was becoming like my father. I channeled my energy into relationships, seeking approval as if it were essential to my survival, only to find that this validation only reinforced a chameleon-like personality. Gradually, I realized that being a doormat to cope with narcissistic trauma was a mistake. How do I navigate life when those who claim to love me seem more concerned with my purity, works, and salvation than with who I truly am? My religious community failed me, leading me to question my beliefs and embark on a years-long search for truth.
This period of reflection prompted me to explore new ways to heal. It hadn’t occurred to me to use my art as therapy until recently. While it feels vulnerable, even a bit silly at times, this process is akin to making my diary public, open to criticism. Having faced my father’s rejection throughout my life, exposing myself to potential judgment feels daunting, yet it’s a necessary challenge. Embracing discomfort and fear is beneficial in the long run, and this journey has instilled in me a deep appreciation for integrity. Living inauthentically has a detrimental effect on the nervous system.
I’m proud of my skills as a painter, but I’m eager to expand my practice to include other mediums like fiber, beading, sculpting, and repurposing materials such as wood and cardboard. Learning to use power tools has been intimidating, as they are typically associated with male-centered creativity, but I am determined to prove to myself that I can master anything I set my mind to.